“He just wants sex”. When women express this feeling, it is likely that they are explaining why they are not interested in having sex with the he in the sentence. But without knowing anything about this couple, my reaction is “Really?” In this day and age, if someone just wants sex, it is a simple mouse click away. He doesn’t have to continue to pursue you. No, the reality is that he probably wants to have sex with you. But why is this a common refrain of many women in long term relationships? Why don’t women feel desired or desirable? Well, if we look at how sexy is portrayed in popular media we see women who are usually young, always beautiful, invariably skinny, and they have relentlessly flawless skin and perfect white teeth. Who can live up to those standards? But sexy is not the same as beautiful, skinny or flawless. Sexy is attitude and anyone can have it.

So step back from the microscope of obsessive scrutiny. You know what it is – the scrutiny that results in statements such as: “My thighs are too big, my breasts are too small, too big, too droopy, my butt is too big, too small, too flat, too round, my teeth are crooked, my nose is too big…” Step away from the microscope in which aspects of your femininity are mistakenly portrayed as embarrassing blemishes. Once you step back, you can see the big picture (no pun intended). Stop criticizing yourself and critiquing your body. You are a real woman, not a cover girl or actress. Begin to experience yourself as sexy. Begin to believe and feel that you are sexy. Try it on and maybe even “fake it ‘til you make it.” Once you have stepped away from the microscope you might be able to believe that he finds you sexy. And then it might be harder to dismiss his sexual advances. You might even welcome them. After all, nothing makes you feel sexier than good sex, except perhaps great sex and that doesn’t require a perfect body. After all, he doesn’t have a perfect body either.