Do you want to get closer? First, step back

It is not uncommon for me to hear women complain about partners in their long term relationships: “He doesn’t want me, he wants sex”. This is an incredible turn off to women. My advice? Men, stop cajoling and complaining and appealing to your partner’s sense of fairness – “C’mon, it’s been 3 weeks, I have needs”.   Step back, look at the full picture. Let your partner know what you find desirable about her. Step back and look at the full picture. Chances are you will see why there is no sex. Stress from work, housework and childcare are the top reasons that women’s desire wanes or even disappears. So if you step back and look at the full picture you may see what you can do to change the situation. Don’t just change a diaper and expect a passionate reward. This is not the barter system. Change your expectations. Expect to participate in the housework and the childcare. And then when you say, “Hey, I want to be with you. Let’s both ditch the housework tonight and spend some time together while we still have energy” it might be met with more enthusiasm.

And not to worry, the next blog post will be focused on what she can do to bring sex back into the marriage.